google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
