Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
