and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
