I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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