you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
