I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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