First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize