I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
