what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
