ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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