Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
