My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We left the knife in your bed.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
