I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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