Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
