and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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