Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
this boner is exhausting
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
