Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
