Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
