my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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