How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
