I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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