she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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