We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
