he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
