so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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