He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
