If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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