I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She's just so happy...and so naked.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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