don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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