It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
