he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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