Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Drunk is not a location!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
