I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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