i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
