I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Is it penis luge time yet?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
