Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
