At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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