is this the sara with the beer cane?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
