Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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