i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
