I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
