so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
