im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
