why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
