I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
