so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
