Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
