"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's rum buckets o'clock
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Your penis caused this!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
