this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
