I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
